The Female Con The HR Lady Isn't Jealous - She's Just Tired.

Ugh

“Daddy—I mean, VP Teddy. I don’t know why the HR Lady is so mean to me. She told me to file something, and then... she rolled her eyes.”

And just like that, the HR Lady, your top-performing senior manager, becomes the villain of this little corporate fairytale. Meanwhile, Fannie—the newest hire, fresh-faced and wide-eyed—floats off to lunch with Teddy, already plotting her next move.

Sidebar: Be honest. When you read "HR Lady," did Marilyn Monroe pop into your head? Yeah, I didn’t think so. You pictured glasses, a neutral cardigan, and a personality just edgy enough to be called “unapproachable” but not enough to be interesting. She’s competent but not lunch-worthy.

The Dirty Little Secret

Here’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud: some women run the Damsel in Distress con so smoothly you’d swear it was a dance. And let’s not be coy—it works. Not because men are fools but because many are wired to protect, mentor, and, yes, rescue. Noble instincts, right until they're weaponized by a Fannie.

To all the Fannies out there—stop. Tell the truth and be cool. One day, you’ll be the menopausal manager—if you’re lucky.

And women? We see this con immediately. We’ve been the target, the bystander, the cleanup crew—and sometimes, we’ve even run it ourselves. (Oh, you think the HR Lady got that corner office just because she worked late?)

HR Story: The Coachella Con

I once had an employee who had already used 20 days of PTO. She was out of time off but still wanted more. I approved the extra days off—unpaid—and explained the policy clearly.

She huffed. She puffed. And when that didn’t work, she called the CEO.

Suddenly, I was “a horrible person” standing in the way of a noble cause—because, as she told him, her brother had just returned from Iraq and was sick.

The CEO approved paid time off. (Yes, I was well aware of the HR liabilities. He didn’t care.)

While she was out, another employee sent me pictures of her at Coachella.

Yup. And I'm the bad guy.

Why Men Fall for It

You may be surprised, but there’s actual science behind why men fall for the con.

"Socialization plays a crucial role in shaping protective behaviors. From a young age, boys are encouraged to be brave, to stand up for others, and to protect those weaker than themselves. This learned behavior becomes deeply ingrained—part of masculine psychology." (Neurolaunch.com)

Honestly, men just don't see it. You can’t fault them for biology. You can train them to spot the con. But maybe it’s like a hot flash—when it hits, they can't help it. The trick is learning not to call the HR Lady jealous.

Women Manipulate—It’s Not Evil, It’s Evolution

Biologically, men are wired to protect. You can’t get mad about it. You need to understand it.

Men have physical power, but women have emotional stamina and mental range. Men charge into battle while women endure.

Women had to be smarter—because historically, men could kill us. So, we became strategic. Letting him think it was his idea? That’s not a weakness. That’s preservation. Who really ruled Rome—Augustus or his wife, Livia?

And women? We see the manipulation. Men usually don’t. VP Teddy will say, “She’s just jealous,” when a less attractive woman tries to warn them.

You don’t have to like it—but if you’re a woman in the workplace, you’ve probably used it to survive.

The Real Cost of the Con

This isn’t just some harmless workplace soap opera. It’s systemic sabotage. Every time Teddy chalks up the HR Lady’s legitimate frustration to jealousy, he’s reinforcing a narrative as old as the secretary pool—women are competitive, petty, and catty.

Spoiler alert: Some of us are. Many are not. But as long as men buy tickets and mean girls keep staging the "Little Lady in Distress" show, the HR Lady will keep cleaning up the mess, and Teddy will wonder why all-female executives seem bitter.

Do You Want to Support Your HR Lady?

Stop confusing jealousy with wisdom—take the HR Lady to lunch and ask what truly happened.