I'm Not Good @hashtags

But I Used to Be Good at Sentences

I’m not good at hashtags.

I wonder if that qualifies for a workplace accommodation.

“Hi, yes—I’m requesting support for my inability to compress generational trauma, personal loss, and quiet rage into #JustVibing.”

Now, even using complete sentences feels indulgent.

Like forming a full thought is a sign of old age.

Will cursive be our hieroglyphics in ten years?

Will future archaeologists hold up a note in script and call it sacred ?

Will they assume 🥹 was a fertility god, 🙏 a sacred ritual, 🔥🔥🔥 a prayer for relevance?

Maybe they won’t be wrong.

Language is optional.

Will philosophers be out of work?

Or will they just draw a picture of a bowl of cherries?

Life is a bowl of cherries—now in JPG format.

Hey—I’m a capitalist like the rest of you.

Going viral is a necessity in 2025.

But just because that’s the new rule of law...doesn’t mean it’s good for humanity.

I’m not good at hashtags.

But I miss the hell out of sentences.